Jimmy Page’s Trousers

Another post with a political bent (well, slagging off a politician anyway). I’m not courting the attention of IrishElection.com with this (unless there’s some money in it of course - under the table, mind. We’ll consider it a dig-out and why not? I’m poverty stricken compared to other bloggers with their yachts and houses and all their free tea).

Anyway, if the media is to be believed, and I can’t think why would they lie or exaggerate, there is (cue scary music and maybe some thunder) a COCAINE EPIDEMIC sweeping this, otherwise temperate and abstinent, country of ours. Yes, we live in a ‘drug culture’. This insidious drug is everywhere. Oh lordy, won’t someone please think of the children?

Now, it seems clear that there are those among the public that get swept up in what they read in the papers on the way to the footie results or whatever and this means that it is necessary for responsible, god-fearing, dealer-fearing politicians to make some show of placating them. True to form, it seems that Bertox has the answer to the (dahnn dahnn daaaahhhhnnnn) COCAINE EPIDEMIC.

It is… have the police raid ‘house parties’.

For Christ’s sake. That’s what he’s come up with? I know that his attention is probably diverted thinking of lies to cover up the lies he told earlier but, house parties? He says, “The question I have asked more than once in the past week is why don’t gardai go into house parties where people are using cocaine.” What? I mean, what?

Now, I’m not saying that people round here don’t do coke. There are probably people coked off their faces as I write this. I’m also not saying that people don’t do coke at house parties because they do but a ‘house party’ does not a drugs den make. Having his political knee-jerk kick in the doors of people having a few beers in their homes isn’t going to solve the problem. Bock, as always, has some reasoned thoughts about that and he’ll express them better that I. I’m really happier when I’m slagging people off than when I’m finding solutions.

You great moron, Bertie.

Oddly enough, from the searches that are finding me in the last day or two, it seems that if you Google the words “Mary Harney” on the ‘pages from Ireland’ option I appear on the first page*. Yep, at number nine in the Google results for Mary is a post where I call her an awful bastard.

Who’d have thought it? Not me, that’s for sure.

I also got a pingback thing from being quoted on www.irishelection.com. And they’re a ‘proper’ site. Among their other, proper, articles and links is a quote from me calling Harney a horrible harridan (and more).

Look at me. Political pundit.

She is an awful bastard though. And she didn’t resign (quelle surprise). Bertox said that she “is not the one to blame and not the one who will be found blameworthy” once investigations are finished. He went on to say that “HSE management are accountable for their direct management of the system. Individual clinicians, and health managers, are also accountable for the actions which they took, or did not take. In the case of the HSE, they are accountable to the Minister, and thus to the Government, and in addition to Dáil Éireann”.

Well, now we know where the buck actually stops - just before it gets to Mary. “The Minister Responsible” is just a phrase. They can’t possibly be responsible. How could they be? That’d be silly.

At least I don’t have to eat her foot.

.

* UPDATE: I should really have saved off this page rather than just linking to it as, and such is the transient nature of search engine results, I’m no longer in the top ten. Trust me though, for one glorious week, a search for Mary Harney would have found my abuse in the top ten. Hurrah for fleeting triumph.

Democracy doesn’t work. Democracy is shite. For those readers, further afield, that may not be aware of such parochial matters, Ireland has just held a general election to determine the government of the country for the next five years. At the time of writing, it seems pretty likely that Fianna Fáil, the worthless shitebags, have done very well indeed and it looks like they will, if not holding an overall majority, at least form the largest constituent part of our next government. This means that their glorious leader, Bertie Ahern, will remain our leader for the next five years.

It seems that Bertie is the Terminator of Irish Politics, albeit a slightly simple-looking, simple-sounding, simple one. He’s unstoppable. Despite the fact that he’s clearly a moron and probably more corrupt than a bag of foxes, weasels and thieving magpies, the Irish public love him. They have again embraced him to their bosoms while he probably dipped their wallets out of their arse pockets. Bertie and his party of morons and tossers are back to suckle at the deliciously-tainted teat of unscrupulous personal profiteering. What a pile of shite. Bock has some far more informed posts on Bertie and his doings here - just click pretty much any link for a list of our leader’s good works. Then click here to see the nice yellow trousers in which he represented Ireland at the G8 summit a few years back (I think it was their dress-down Friday or something). Gormless git.

You see, democracy doesn’t work.

I’m sure that there will be those among you that say, “well, the people have spoken, that’s what democracy is”. That’s true, but that’s exactly why democracy doesn’t work - the ‘people’ are morons. The ‘people’ are the ones that make it so that there’s nothing on telly but reality shows full of wankers. The ‘people’ are the ones that drive the cult of celebrity that means Posh-Fucking-Spice is never out of the papers. The ‘people’ know fuck-all. The ‘people’ are morons and shouldn’t be allowed a say in how a country, any country, is run. And, while the ‘people’ may well have got what they deserved by voting that shower of useless cunts back into power, unfortunately, I (and others) have to suffer it along with the ‘people’.

Intellaucracy. That’s what we need. IQ tests must be performed before you’re allowed a say in how the country is run. If we assume an IQ of 100 as the mean (which, I believe is how it’s done), that means that there is up to 50% of the population that have an IQ lower than 100. They’re right out. No vote for them. They’re too stupid. Of the remainder of the population, there should be some sort of further testing. Ever watch Big Brother? Ever bought a Ronan Keating album? That sort of thing.

It’s the only solution I can see that may help avert the (extremely bloody) coup that I am now planning

Words pretty much fail me on this. Check out this video to see the horrible mess that the world would be in were it not for our American chums (albeit it sounds like only the crazy right-wing nutjobs) sticking up for us. Thanks guys.

And, as if that’s not infuriating and annoying enough, if you check out the web site of these morons, you can see some of the plugs for other concepts for the ‘World Without America’ advert. My personal favourite is the closing image that the first lady suggests to her advert concept. Watch out for it - I think you’ll find it a moving and powerful image. And not stupid at all.

Take a stroll with me down Conservative Avenue.

I love reading about what the mentalist, right-wing, God-fearing, American toss-pots are doing. I love hearing what sort of nut-job idea they’re currently kicking around as it makes me feel lucky that I’m not a complete blinkered cunt too. As luck would have it, today I found two new insanities.

Both come from WorldNetDaily, which touts itself as ‘A Free Press For A Free People’. Nice. Among their balanced views, I noticed a dire warning…

Soy is making kids gay. For fuck’s sake. Apparently, soy is just bursting with estrogen and it’s being pumped into kids. This turns otherwise heterosexual, all-American kids into boys who like other boy’s bums. Did you know this? Well it’s true. “Soy is feminising, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality“. Worse than we thought - not only are they gay, they’re gay and have small knobs. How are they expected to pull? “That’s why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today’s rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products“. Dear God. Won’t someone think of the children. Fuckwits.

The second item I found over there was a blurb to try pawn off some right-wing propaganda in handy paperback form. It was a sales pitch trying to sell right-thinking Christians a book entitled, “Shooting Back. The right and duty of self defense“. This useful paperback deals with a particular everyday issue that most of us have faced. Namely, “what would you do if armed terrorists broke into your church and starting attacking your friends with automatic weapons in the middle of a worship service?”

Hmmmmm. A thorny issue indeed, and one that, I’m sure every Christian considers when heading out the door to church. The author however, is on hand to help out. He helpfully makes a biblical, Christian case for individuals arming themselves with guns.

Now, call me a liberal, pinko, commie who’s soft on gays but tough on gun control if you will, but I feel the need to note that these people are cunts of the highest order. They are uber-cunts. They are the daddies of all cunts.

I realise I’ve used the ‘C’ word excessively in this post but Jesus, what cunts.

Christ. What a shower of morons.

In the good ol’ USA, a radio host suggested on air that all Muslims in the US should be required to carry some sort of identifying mark such as a crescent-shaped tattoo or distinctive arm band. Apparently, he did this as some sort of social experiment to determine the opinions of the his listening public. Many of his listenership however were only too happy to call the station to agree and even suggest that he hadn’t gone far enough.

One thought that identifying them through crescent tattoos or armbands wasn’t enough but they should all be interred in encampments “like during World War II with the Japanese and Germans”. Another caller said that Muslims should not only be tattooed “in the middle of their forehead”, but that they should be shipped out of the country because, “they are here to kill us”.

Who are these fucking idiots? How are they able to muster the intelligence to dial a telephone and string words together to express their fucking stupid opinions on air? It just gets worse though…

The Reuters story that this information comes from goes on to cite some fucking disturbing statistics from a Gallup poll conducted in the summer.

The poll of more than 1,000 Americans showed that 39 percent were in favor of requiring Muslims in the United States, including American citizens, to carry special identification. Roughly a quarter of those polled said they would not want to live next door to a Muslim and a third thought that Muslims in the United States sympathized with al Qaeda, the extremist group behind the September 11, 2001, attacks on New York and Washington.

Now, I’m not so bigoted, xenophobic and apt to generalise as to label all Americans as tossers and idiots. It seems on the evidence of this poll however that somewhere between 25 and 39% of them are though.

The only small ray of light in all of this is that the DJ that made these suggestions on air did, at least, receive a number of callers who just wanted to call him a tosser.