The builders are in.
Perdition Inc. are refurbishing the large office area just next door to my area. The usual residents of the to-be-refurbisehd area have all been shoe-horned into other areas for the duration of the work.
This project leaves me with a dilemma. Should I continue to use the toilet located in builders’ ground-zero or should I go to the toilet downstairs?
My usual toilet will now be frequented by those here to do the work and bitter experience has taught me that builder-poo is none too pleasant. On the other hand, the downstairs toilet loses points by being downstairs and farther away. Also, the evidence seems to suggest that, on a nightly basis, someone goes there and stuffs a handful of human hair into the hand dryer.
So then, the smell of builder-poo or of burning hair?
I have news. Big news. For me.
My boss called me into his office for a chat a few days back. Out of the blue, he told me that there are a limited number of voluntary redundancy packages now available and asked if I would be interested in availing of one.
Now, despite the fact that I despise my employers with a passion that is difficult to express, and despite the fact that for the last two years I have wandered about the place saying, “Jesus Christ, I wish I could be made redundant”, my first reaction was to be slightly offended. What had I done to be singled out for this? Why me? Are you saying I’m not doing a good job?
After this initial shock however, I came to my senses and said I’d give it some thought. I didn’t need to, but I did need to discuss it with Mrs. Jimmy Page’s Trousers. She, having barely persuaded me, one Sunday three months ago, not to go in the following morning and resign, wholeheartedly agreed that I should take the money and run.
And run I shall.
Under Operation Bad Apple, I will receive a wad of cash just to go away and stop bothering good employees with my negative vibes. I’m happy. My boss is happy (as he’s currently paying me one twelfth of a wad of cash every month to do very little). Everyone’s a winner. Having done some sums with a clever bloke from the financial company responsible for handling my employer’s many financial doings, I am happy with my Bad Apple Bonus. Papers have been signed (by me) and will be countersigned by the company tomorrow. Barring any nastyness, I will be a free agent come the end of July. Hurrah and huzzah! As mentioned in the title, I have made up the Redundo-Jig. It’s a sight to behold.
I have a worry that it’s all a trick though; a nasty ploy to break my will. Like in that film where the Russians told a prisoner he was going home, let him have a wash and shave, gave him back his civvies and walked him to the gate only to then drag him back to his cell.
I wouldn’t put it past them.
I know. I haven’t been posting much lately. There’s no real reason other than the fact that I didn’t really have anything to say. What can I do? I’m not going to start posting stuff that’s even more bland and dull than the usual shite just to have something to post. This dedication to the, albeit rather low, levels of quality that I’ve set is, I think, commendable.
I am profoundly conscious of my lack of posting however. I feel I should be doing something here. I just don’t have anything. Even a Saturday night, fueled by beers and chilli, without my wife and daughter hasn’t inspired anything of interest - only a post, ironically enough, about not having anything to post about.
Incidentally, in a couple of days, I probably will have something of interest to say (to me at least). It’s all still on the hush-hush though. I’ve already said too much.
Now that I think of it, even that’s not interesting to anybody else. I guess that now, I’m a real blogger. I blog, therefore I am. Validate me. Please.
And Bowie just came on the telly. How much does he rock? Let me count the ways.
