Jimmy Page’s Trousers

So good to me.

You gotta love Mondays and this one was extra special. I woke up before my alarm and leapt from bed. I threw back the curtains to a beautiful sunny morning. Birds were singing and a friendly milkman gave me a wave as I stood, naked, in the window. “Morning Milky” I called before heading for a bracing shower and refreshing shave.

As it was such a beautiful morning, I decided to bicycle to work (despite there being almost no traffic to mar a car journey). I popped my lunch package in the basket on the handlebars and set off at a leisurely pace. As I went, mothers and small children smiled at me and I smiled back. An amiable market trader hallooed me and threw me a rosy, red apple. I deftly caught it, put it in my basket and thanked him over my shoulder as I bicycled on, whistling as I went.

On my arrival at work, my boss clapped me on the back and said “Trousers, you are the heart and soul of this place. Were it not for you, I would fear for the future of this company and its many workers. Thank you for your effort, your dedication and above all, thank you for being a friend. You are the wind beneath my wings.” Galvanised by this expression of gratitude, I set to work at a more furious pace than usual (all the more impressive as I love this work - it is both satisfying and rewarding).

All in all, it’s been a good Monday so far.

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OK, so I know you didn’t believe it. I’m still in bed. The day is the usual grey colour and I can hear the line of traffic outside my house which means at least a 15 minute tailback just to get to an actual road that goes somewhere. Monday, Bloody Monday.